I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
