I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
