you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
