Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Operation Purity has been aborted
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
