So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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