Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
