Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
