i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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