Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This is my gift to your gina
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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