I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
