In the future we'll all be gay
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
