I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
3 2 1 whiskey
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
