Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
