so that wasnt chicken after all
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
