i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
