I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
