So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
