Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
