How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
