he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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