Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize