we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize