it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize