he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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