ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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