I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
