I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
