my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm passing your future prison.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
