apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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