I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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