Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
