I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
