If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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