Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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