But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
