I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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