Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
