Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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