Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize