I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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