I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
