Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize