Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize