i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
