she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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