Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hippo gnu deer
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
