why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
