He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
