i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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