He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
