shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
