I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize