GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
