i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Floor bacon is actually really good
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
