**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
