Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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