so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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