i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
