matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
