if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
