Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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