i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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