Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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