If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
