Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
