Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Farmville is her only friend.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
