I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
