Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
