i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
