I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
