New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
