Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
