Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
