i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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