My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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