Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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