did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
