You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
