I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize