return my video game
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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