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last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
