i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
