My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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