dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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