Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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