And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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