You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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