if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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