omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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