She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
