ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
