jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
