I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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