What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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