We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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