I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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