After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
