I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
