She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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