her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
