Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
