I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
