Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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