yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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