sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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