Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
