so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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