A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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