You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
