you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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