Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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