last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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