I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
