Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
