am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
