So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
