I can text with my tongue
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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